Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
