So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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