atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
