Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
