hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
