do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
