I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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