so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
