My friends, they love my intelligence
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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