i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
