Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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