Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
