do herpes really smell.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
