I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize