I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
