all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
