just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
