Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
