Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
