Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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