I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
