If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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