I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
