it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
