Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
