Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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