the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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