Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
