guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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