it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
