I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
