Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This is classic penis vs brain.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
