It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
