Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My Higher Power is John Stamos
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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