i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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