It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
