A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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