I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
