Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
