Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
