I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
