I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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