Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
