shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You left your phone here
Wait...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
