genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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