We named our party play list daddy issues
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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