Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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