i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize