she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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