Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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