Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
