just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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