if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
