Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
