I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
