i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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