So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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