I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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