Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
