i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize