I just pynch a tree in the face
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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