he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
