I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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