I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
