feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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