so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
