I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
