Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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