It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
